![]() Sometimes life is the harder option.įor some inexplicable reason the famous Mark Twain quote about the reports of his death being premature and greatly exaggerated popped into my mind. Sometimes death is the lesser of two evils. Oh God, if I'm not dead already maybe I just might die.įollowed by an even worse fear: Oh God, maybe I just might live.Īnd as it turned out I did. Could death be any more confusing than this? Then came the supreme fear. I felt I was alive but could not be sure. I remember questioning, am I dead? Could death be any worse than this? However, I had little brain activity that would actually qualify as thought, it was more fear actualized. I remember trying to think and coming up with a brain salad so strange that nothing could possibly be the same again.Ĭall it a duress rehearsal - for indeed, nothing has ever been the same in my life since that day nearly 10 years ago. Night was day, day was dark, and dark was everywhere. My thoughts seemed to be coming from my head but that head was now cork and cork was cold while cold was night. I continued to try to figure what I was doing here and indeed where here was. Only later would I realize that the bubble was an MRI machine and the sludge was the bedclothing of the hospital bed I later occupied. A leaden weight held me as back as I desperately searched for an exit from the suffocating ooze all around me. The sand of the bottom was being stirred into mud by my thrashing arms and legs. It was murky and cold and a buzzsaw whined in my head. I felt encased in a fog-like bubble, as though I was swimming deep underwater close to the bottom of what Homer called the wine dark sea. ![]() Thoughts leaked out of my head by fits and starts like a stutter gun. Erratic, disjointed, often contradictory. HANK: The first hours, days and weeks of my stroke were all a jumble. We also share information about your use of our website with our social media, advertising and analytics partners.Editor Emeritus Ken Hartnett and columnist Hank Seaman share their experiences as stroke survivors in a continuing series. We use cookies to personalize content and ads, provide social media features, and analyze the use of our website. This helps us measure the effectiveness of our marketing campaigns. Microsoft Advertising uses these cookies to anonymously identify user sessions. It also serves behaviorally targeted ads on other websites, similar to most specialized online marketing companies. The Facebook cookie is used by it's parent company Meta to monitor behavior on this website in order to serve targeted ads to its users when they are logged into its services. Google will use this information for the purpose of evaluating your use of the website, compiling reports on website activity for us and providing other services relating to website activity and internet usage. The purpose of Google Analytics is to analyze the traffic on our website. Security (protection against CSRF Cross-Site Request Forgery) Stores login sessions (so that the server knows that this browser is logged into a user account) ![]() which cookies were accepted and rejected). Storage of the selection in the cookie banner (i.e. being associated with traffic metrics and page response times. Random ID which serves to improve our technical services by i.e. Server load balancing, geographical distribution and redundancy
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